Terkadang..bila lihat gambar-gambar orang lain berjaulah..rasa jeles sangat.. Jeles di atas kesempatan waktu yang mereka ada untuk berbuat sebegitu..
Bagiku, rasanya kali terakhir aku dapat berjaulah, yang mana jaulah tu memang khas untuk aku dan sahabat seperjuanganku, adalah ketika aku masih dalam tahun pertama. Aku ingat lagi, kami se'keluarga', dibawa oleh 'ummi' dan 'ummi tiri' ke adelaide.. Untuk makan angin, serta bertemu dengan qudama' di sana, yang memberikan tazkirah bagi menyediakan kami sebelum kami pulang ke Malaysia buat kali pertama setelah hampir setahun ditarbiyyah di bumi Aussie.. Jaulah itu, amat indah sekali. Penuh makna.
[oh ye, baru teringat..ada lagi sekali. yakni jaulah ke sorento di tahun kedua. juga bermandi laut di frankston pada tahun yang sama. tapi.... takpelah.]
Masuk je tahun kedua, aku sudah perlu menjadi 'dewasa'. Sejak itu.. aku jarang sekali punyai peluang sebegitu. Tanggungjawab lain sebagai 'kakak' lebih utama. Tambah lagi, bila 'keluarga' baruku kini dari kalangan mereka yang sibuk-sibuk belaka..jarang dapat bertemu masa dimana semua orang free.
Bukan nak kata aku tidak pernah berjaulah lagi ever since. Berjaulah je..tapi berjaulah membawa orang lain.. dan itu lain rasanya dengan perasaan aku dibawa berjaulah. Amat rindu akan zaman itu..zaman di mana segalanya diberikan, tanpa menuntut aku memberi.. But, I guess, lumrah alam, nothing will last.. akan tiba masa dimana kita pula perlu memberi. Terkadang tertanya, adakah bila aku memberi, maka aku sudah tidak boleh diberi? ..hurm..
.
.
.
Bila fikir-fikir balik, i guess, another big portion yang menghasilkan rasa jeles ini adalah untuk bersama rakan-rakan sebaya ku..yang mana dengan merekalah aku mengenal tarbiyyah ini..yang mana, dengan merekalah kami sama-sama berjuang meninggalkan jahiliyah lalu.. tempoh hari aku ke Sydney, dan sekalipun perginya aku ke sana untuk memberi, aku di sana bersama sahabat-sahabat sebaya ku ini.. dan indahnya Sydney di hatiku lebih dari tugas-tugasku yang lain..kerna itu.
Bukan nak kata aku tidak sayang atau tidak bersyukur dengan 'keluarga'ku sekarang. mereka tetap ukhti-ukhtiku..tapi..lain tau rasanya, bersama dengan mereka yang bukan sebatch. Selalu terasa bahwa mereka hanyalah teman seperjuangan dalam kerja dakwah..tapi bukan untuk berukhuwah yang lebih. Seringkali rasa leftout kerana aku jarang menjadi sebahagian dalam plan-plan 'ukhuwah' mereka. Mungkin juga kerna I'm the black sheep in the family. Sedangkan, bila dakwah tulah nadi hidup kita, maka sepatutnya mereka yang bersama kita itu adalah segala-galanya despite perbezaan umur.
takpelah..
Bukan aku mengeluh. Kerna hakikatnya, aku yang memohon pada Allah agar aku didewasakan segera. Kerna aku tahu, tempoh masaku di bumi tarbiyyah ini tidak lama, dan aku mahu mengaut sebanyak mungkin yang aku bisa perolehi sebelum pulangnya aku ke medan amal.
takpelah..
Ku korbankan keinginan hati ini kernaNya..dan kerna dakwah ini. Moga-moga Allah mahu membawa ku berjaulah di dalam syurgaNya nanti.. Jaulah yang khas untuk aku. Dan insyirahku. Di mana aku diberi segala-galanya, tanpa perlu memberi.. insya-Allah.
=')
Role Model
Interesting.
I never thought how influential I am to some people. Back then, adhering to the motto 'If they can do it, so can I', I had always look upon someone, as an idol, for me to succeed in life. For example, since F2, I always had Kak Jun as my idol. Being a leader, and still succeeding well in her academics, I wanted to be like her. And at times when I went through hardship in trying to score high for PMR and SPM, I believed that if she can do it, so can I.
But never had I planned to be successful so that I can be a role model for my juniors. Never had I thought that anyone would ever know of all my successes and wanting to be like me. Never!
Yet, now being a senior, someone came to me and thanked me for being his role model. Wallaa.. Very, very suprising.
The first time I ever knew that people looked up to me as a role model was when I was in form 5. A junior wanted me to be her kakak angkat because she looks up to me and respect me for who I am. But I never took it seriously, plus I found out she had a number of kakak angkat anyway. hehe.. But, someone else came up to me when I was in my preparation year. This junior of mine actually announced, in front of my own parents, how I am his role model and how he really wish to be like me. Was I flattened? Well, maybe a bit, but not really. Because I didn't take it seriously. Because, as I mentioned earlier, I never thought of anyone wanting to make me as their role model. And since a few years back, another junior was also telling me the same thing. Of how he wanted to follow each and every footstep that I took. And though he always updated me of his check list (on what did he succeeded to follow and what not), I never took him seriously.
Up to just recently, this junior (the third one) (and, as usual) updated me of his recent success and his future plans. Now this was when I was really convinced of how serious he was in following my footsteps. He is actually serious in wanting to take the very same course that I am currently doing. Other than because he actually met someone who is already working in this field and told him how superb and in high demand this field is, he also mention that it is because he had followed my footsteps all the way through to where he is today, so he feels caught up in it and wants to also do the same course. Why did this make me convince? Because noone ever wants to simply take this course. I did, though. But who else would ever want to do it? Though in high demand and guarantee you a lot of $$ in the future, it is not well-known, and even those who know of it never wishes to be one. Who wants to study what I'm studying?? (Don't get me wrong. I LOVE what I'm studying). And yet, he is very determined to do it. Whoaa... I was really really suprised.
But hurm, let's see if he does aite? Well, I'm sure he will apply for it; but whether he gets it or not is the question. Can't forget that Allah controls everything aite.
He also mentioned that there is 2 more things in the list which is yet to be accomplished. While he is now being nominated for it, the results aren't out yet, but he really hopes that he gets it. May you do, my junior..may you do. Ameen. =)
Talking about role model and idols, there's no one better than Prophet Muhammad himself. Missing him so much.. How I really want to be like him. Yet, my ego always get into the way ='( .
p/s: Suddenly, i remembered another junior who really really liked me back in school. But not as a role model. But as.. hurm..as what eh? Such that he mentioned to his friends that I AM his future wife??!! Huhu..memories!
I never thought how influential I am to some people. Back then, adhering to the motto 'If they can do it, so can I', I had always look upon someone, as an idol, for me to succeed in life. For example, since F2, I always had Kak Jun as my idol. Being a leader, and still succeeding well in her academics, I wanted to be like her. And at times when I went through hardship in trying to score high for PMR and SPM, I believed that if she can do it, so can I.
But never had I planned to be successful so that I can be a role model for my juniors. Never had I thought that anyone would ever know of all my successes and wanting to be like me. Never!
Yet, now being a senior, someone came to me and thanked me for being his role model. Wallaa.. Very, very suprising.
The first time I ever knew that people looked up to me as a role model was when I was in form 5. A junior wanted me to be her kakak angkat because she looks up to me and respect me for who I am. But I never took it seriously, plus I found out she had a number of kakak angkat anyway. hehe.. But, someone else came up to me when I was in my preparation year. This junior of mine actually announced, in front of my own parents, how I am his role model and how he really wish to be like me. Was I flattened? Well, maybe a bit, but not really. Because I didn't take it seriously. Because, as I mentioned earlier, I never thought of anyone wanting to make me as their role model. And since a few years back, another junior was also telling me the same thing. Of how he wanted to follow each and every footstep that I took. And though he always updated me of his check list (on what did he succeeded to follow and what not), I never took him seriously.
Up to just recently, this junior (the third one) (and, as usual) updated me of his recent success and his future plans. Now this was when I was really convinced of how serious he was in following my footsteps. He is actually serious in wanting to take the very same course that I am currently doing. Other than because he actually met someone who is already working in this field and told him how superb and in high demand this field is, he also mention that it is because he had followed my footsteps all the way through to where he is today, so he feels caught up in it and wants to also do the same course. Why did this make me convince? Because noone ever wants to simply take this course. I did, though. But who else would ever want to do it? Though in high demand and guarantee you a lot of $$ in the future, it is not well-known, and even those who know of it never wishes to be one. Who wants to study what I'm studying?? (Don't get me wrong. I LOVE what I'm studying). And yet, he is very determined to do it. Whoaa... I was really really suprised.
But hurm, let's see if he does aite? Well, I'm sure he will apply for it; but whether he gets it or not is the question. Can't forget that Allah controls everything aite.
He also mentioned that there is 2 more things in the list which is yet to be accomplished. While he is now being nominated for it, the results aren't out yet, but he really hopes that he gets it. May you do, my junior..may you do. Ameen. =)
Talking about role model and idols, there's no one better than Prophet Muhammad himself. Missing him so much.. How I really want to be like him. Yet, my ego always get into the way ='( .
p/s: Suddenly, i remembered another junior who really really liked me back in school. But not as a role model. But as.. hurm..as what eh? Such that he mentioned to his friends that I AM his future wife??!! Huhu..memories!
remind to remember
Do you know how sometimes you really want to remember something but you are afraid you might forget? Thus one way for you to remember that thing is to either write it down (if you are confident that you will look it up from time to time to remind yourself), or get someone to remind you of it.
But do you know how sometimes it is just so hard for you to tell someone about that thing, what more to ask them to remind you of it? Maybe it is due to extreme ego-ness, or maybe because you are just way too shy to tell someone about it. Sometimes, the reason that prevent you from asking someone to remind you about it is because you don't want THAT person to remind you about it. Thus you'd rather not tell anyone about it and try to remind your own self about it.
But you know what? If you really want to remember something, telling someone or a few people about it really helps you know. It helps you to really remember that thing without having to be reminded by that person. I don't know why, but maybe because when you voice it, you hear yourself, and it tends to stick on your mind more strongly.
I myself, for example, do not like the fact that someone tells me to not be angry, or moody,or even scowl especially at times when I really am at that situation. Not that I don't want to. Of course I want to try my best to not put on a sour face, or be inconsiderate, or angry to others. But the fact of being reminded when you are in such situation really scratches your ego. But a time came when I really needed to do something about my unpredictable mood and temper. Thus I took the first step of asking for help from my fellow friends. In situations where I know I can easily lose my temper or patience, I tell them before hand to remind me of not getting angry and to put a smile on. And you know what? They never had to remind me about it (except during certain circumstances-times when I never realize my face is horrifying!), and I also found myself always reminding myself about it. And at the end of the day, I can feel proud of myself, for having gone through that whatever-situation-it-is in the best possible way I could.
So, if you really hate regretting in the future, no harm is done in suppressing a bit of that ego, and seek help from your friends to remind you.
But do you know how sometimes it is just so hard for you to tell someone about that thing, what more to ask them to remind you of it? Maybe it is due to extreme ego-ness, or maybe because you are just way too shy to tell someone about it. Sometimes, the reason that prevent you from asking someone to remind you about it is because you don't want THAT person to remind you about it. Thus you'd rather not tell anyone about it and try to remind your own self about it.
But you know what? If you really want to remember something, telling someone or a few people about it really helps you know. It helps you to really remember that thing without having to be reminded by that person. I don't know why, but maybe because when you voice it, you hear yourself, and it tends to stick on your mind more strongly.
I myself, for example, do not like the fact that someone tells me to not be angry, or moody,or even scowl especially at times when I really am at that situation. Not that I don't want to. Of course I want to try my best to not put on a sour face, or be inconsiderate, or angry to others. But the fact of being reminded when you are in such situation really scratches your ego. But a time came when I really needed to do something about my unpredictable mood and temper. Thus I took the first step of asking for help from my fellow friends. In situations where I know I can easily lose my temper or patience, I tell them before hand to remind me of not getting angry and to put a smile on. And you know what? They never had to remind me about it (except during certain circumstances-times when I never realize my face is horrifying!), and I also found myself always reminding myself about it. And at the end of the day, I can feel proud of myself, for having gone through that whatever-situation-it-is in the best possible way I could.
So, if you really hate regretting in the future, no harm is done in suppressing a bit of that ego, and seek help from your friends to remind you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)