drowning

I use to be on the shore, safe and sound. And I knew that i'd be safe there. I was ensured by everyone else, who was also on the shore. And I personally fully believed in it, I knew they can't be wrong.

They always reminded me, 'Stay away from the sea, it's dangerous'.. And so I did, plus I've been in the sea before and, though it was fun, I hated it. I remembered how I struggled getting out of it; Alhamdulillah, I managed.

Yet, from shore I watched people in the sea. Initially, with hatred. Not to the people, but to what they are doing. I thought, 'How foolish of them to go play in the dangerous sea. Have they not been warned by anyone?' People on shore also like to make us look at people in the sea, so that we realise how lucky we are to be on the safe side. So that we feel sad with the danger those people has put themselves into. And it worked. I hated watching people drowning. I hated watching people who boast themselves in the sea, when they could easily be swept away by one big tsunami. Thus I made a firm decision to never go near the sea.

Time passes by. Everyone on shore got busy. And slowly, I felt lonely. Not that there was noone around me, no! There were many around me; but i just felt...empty. Everyone around me was talking, yet, i could feel the silence. None of the talking fulfilled what was needed by my inner part.

I realised this, but, what was I to do?
How could i ask for the existance of people who are already around me?
How could i ask for speaches by people who are talking?

Slowly, I started playing near the shoreline. Once in a while I put a foot in the sea, just to feel the coolness of the sea, but quickly brought it out again. I continued playing near the shoreline. No one on shore stopped me, or brought me away from it, so I thought, 'hey, maybe it's not that bad after all'. So I started going further into the sea. The sealevel rised from my ankle, up to my knee. Then further up to my waist, and now up to my chest. How is it? It's fun, I tell you. Who doesn't like to play in the sea?

So I continued enjoying myself there. Yet, noone on shore called me back. Maybe there were just too busy. Or maybe I was just too good in pretending. And like it or not, I found myself having gone too far into the sea, and was nearly about to drown.

Oh no; 'someone, help me!!!', I cried. Yet, no one hears it. And I realise, that now, I really am on my own. I have two choices; one: to continue drowning, two: to swim back to shore before it's too late. While one part of me enjoys being in the sea, deep inside me, I know I have to swim to safety. To correct my previous statement, I only have one choice, not two; that is to swim to safey. To continue drowning is not a choice, not for me though. Why? Because I've been taught how to swim. And I'm suppose to use that knowledge to get myself out of this danger.

But knowing does not mean wanting. And wanting does not mean having the capacity.

I know, and I want, but I lack in capacity to do so. Thus I have to gain the capacity, before it is too late.

Oh Allah, the most merciful, save me from drowning in this sea of jahilliah. Guide me to your safe route and give me the strength to follow it.