I've always asked Allah for an akhlak like Rasulullah, because, as Allah says it: "Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah you have a good example to follow, for him who hopes for (the meeting with) Allah and the Last Day, and remember Allah much" <33:21>
Yet, when Allah test me with some hardships, I get easily moved emotionally, such that I neglect or forget to put up a good akhlak. Huh~ Akhlak aite? Akhlak is suppose to be something that comes out naturally from you, in any circumstances. Therefore, the fact that my attitude changes along with my mood or emotional condition is just indicating that I haven't really build up a good akhlak within me.
Human beings, they can't run from being a human being. What is there with human beings? Well, human beings have emotions. There will be a time when someone will become sad, depress, moody, but at another time, so cheerful, friendly and very happy. It's normal; you can't expect a person to always be cheerful and never feeling distressed, for example, because that is just not human. But, what differentiate you, as a muslim and mukmin from others, is that you should know how to treat yourself when your feeling 'down'.
And Allah, being ever so loving and caring, has provided us with the best example He could, which is through prophet Muhammad s.a.w. Through all the distressing moments that the sahabah went through in the road of dakwah, prophet Muhammad had always kept on his best akhlak (because it really is his akhlak!), and become the source of calmness, happiness and confidence for all his sahabah.
Astaghirullah..
It is so hard.. to always be at your best attitude. To always remember to smile, to entertain people when you feel tired, to think positively of people when things don't go the way you wanted it too. But, unless you go through all the hardship, you won't develop the akhlaks that you wanted. Because good akhlak develop by going through hardships.
Talking about hardship, Ummi said that Allah will only test his servant when that person is ready too. That is why you get the verse: "Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope.." <2:286>. So, if you are tested, it is because you are ready to face it. But how you react to it when you do face it will determine if you really trust in Him.
Oh Allah, give me strength. Guide me the way to the road that you bless.
missing
Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah..
I uttered along the journey to the examination hall. Everytime I thought of something bad, something that shouldn't be thought of a muslim, saw something that will only add make my heart more and more dirtier, I uttered the word, astaghfirullah.
Alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..
Those were the only words that I could utter as I walk home from the examination hall. Thanking Allah for easing my task through out the 2-hour examination period.
How wonderful the world was.. and how great it was to praise the Al-mighty Allah. To feel protected, to feel cared for..
It occurred to me, that once I finish all of my exams and get myself busy with other stuffs, I might not be able to appreciate the meaning of these words anymore. Why? Because at that time, there might not be anything so obvious to thank Allah for. There might be no obvious reason to istighfar for. And unless Allah allows me too, then even if utter those words, it wouldn't really mean that much. Oh, how arrogant of me!
Human beings, huh! They forget so easily.
I really hope that that doesn't happen. If only I could always be in the best state of iman at all time. To feel the sweetness of praising and glorifying Allah in all that I do. To be aware of everything that Allah has provided me, to appreciate and to be grateful to Him at all time.
Oh Allah, how I really miss Him...
I uttered along the journey to the examination hall. Everytime I thought of something bad, something that shouldn't be thought of a muslim, saw something that will only add make my heart more and more dirtier, I uttered the word, astaghfirullah.
Alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..
Those were the only words that I could utter as I walk home from the examination hall. Thanking Allah for easing my task through out the 2-hour examination period.
How wonderful the world was.. and how great it was to praise the Al-mighty Allah. To feel protected, to feel cared for..
It occurred to me, that once I finish all of my exams and get myself busy with other stuffs, I might not be able to appreciate the meaning of these words anymore. Why? Because at that time, there might not be anything so obvious to thank Allah for. There might be no obvious reason to istighfar for. And unless Allah allows me too, then even if utter those words, it wouldn't really mean that much. Oh, how arrogant of me!
Human beings, huh! They forget so easily.
I really hope that that doesn't happen. If only I could always be in the best state of iman at all time. To feel the sweetness of praising and glorifying Allah in all that I do. To be aware of everything that Allah has provided me, to appreciate and to be grateful to Him at all time.
Oh Allah, how I really miss Him...
a smile and a hug
'Just a smile and the rain is gone'
Such a true verse..
All you need to do is come and give me a smile, give me a nice big hug, and you've made my day.
How could I ever lose you people?
At times when I feel like wanting to sulk, and run away from you people, there will come a moment when I will suddenly imagine you people doing the same thing to me. Oh! What a horrible feeling that would be.
Selfish me, I can sulk and scowl to people if I want to, but people can not do it to me. And just who do you think you are???!!
No. It's been said, that you are with them because you need them, not because they need you. If they don't have you, they can be with many other people who are deeply in love with Allah and dakwah. But if you are not with them, them with who do you want to be with?
Just when I really thought I'd never find myself a good, best friend/s in my life, Allah bestowed me with the greatest lot of people that I could ever want; these are people who loves Allah, and are willing to sacrifice their life for the sake of Islam. And from these people do I find true happiness and ukhuwwah. These are the friends who taught me of Islam and it's beauty, of Allah and His magnificence, of Dakwah and its blissful rewards.
Thank you Allah for sending me among your best servants as my companions. Bless them, and bless me in this life and the hereafter. Ameen.
Such a true verse..
All you need to do is come and give me a smile, give me a nice big hug, and you've made my day.
How could I ever lose you people?
At times when I feel like wanting to sulk, and run away from you people, there will come a moment when I will suddenly imagine you people doing the same thing to me. Oh! What a horrible feeling that would be.
Selfish me, I can sulk and scowl to people if I want to, but people can not do it to me. And just who do you think you are???!!
No. It's been said, that you are with them because you need them, not because they need you. If they don't have you, they can be with many other people who are deeply in love with Allah and dakwah. But if you are not with them, them with who do you want to be with?
Just when I really thought I'd never find myself a good, best friend/s in my life, Allah bestowed me with the greatest lot of people that I could ever want; these are people who loves Allah, and are willing to sacrifice their life for the sake of Islam. And from these people do I find true happiness and ukhuwwah. These are the friends who taught me of Islam and it's beauty, of Allah and His magnificence, of Dakwah and its blissful rewards.
Thank you Allah for sending me among your best servants as my companions. Bless them, and bless me in this life and the hereafter. Ameen.
muhasabah
A very unproductive day today =(
Since I've read through all my exam notes, the plan today was to go through it all for a second round and MEMORIZE what needs to be memorized. Since it wasn't such an active thing to do, I got sleepy at most times, the brain wasn't working as fast as it could and I didn't managed to get through a lot, as how I planned to.
Hurm..so where did I go wrong?
(The best part about writing your troubles-of-the-day is that while doing so, you come to think of a solution to it)
At first, I was thinking, maybe it's because I didn't start of the day well. I woke up (at my usual start-of-the-day time) and the only thing I had in my mind was, I've got to have breakfast. Thus, after brushing my teeth, I went to look for something to eat in the fridge. Then only did I had a bath and started studying. Only when I started getting sleepy the first time did I realize, hey, I haven't read the morning ma'thurat yet. So, I took the ma'thurat book and read it. Then continued to study.
But again, there were other times when I still became sleepy, so what's up with that?
It just triggered me that maybe, when I set my plan, I didn't said the magic word 'Insya-Allah'. Yes, maybe that is the reason why today has been an unproductive day.
But the whole idea of not having gone through many of my exam notes for today made me very sad and very worried by late evening. Very very worried. It's very amazing how Allah can put fear and distressed in one's heart in a wink of an eye. The bad feeling made me think, where did all the calmness that I had this morning went to?
But, thinking of the other things I did today, I actually took some time of to give a tazkirah to a friend in need. I also took some time of to entertain some visitors. I also took some time of the clean up the house.
So, though I didn't manage to re-revised my notes as much as I planned to today, I still managed to do some other stuffs which -according to me- (from the quran too actually) is a good deed. So how bad a day could that be?
Kind of confused, what do I actually use as my parameter of a 'good, high quality and productive day'. Oh..
Recalled Ummi saying that a dai'e's happiness and sadness should be based on dakwah. Dakwah should be the one that control's the ups and downs of our life.
I call myself a dai'e, but yet, I can get very happy and very sad just because of duniawi stuffs.
hua.. this exam thingy is very very distressing!
But I guess, how I react as I go through these stressful weeks of exams will reflect how I really am. It's the hardship that makes you grow, makes you more matured. What is the meaning of friendly, patience, calm etc if you are living in an 'ideal' surrounding, yeah?
hurm..
Since I've read through all my exam notes, the plan today was to go through it all for a second round and MEMORIZE what needs to be memorized. Since it wasn't such an active thing to do, I got sleepy at most times, the brain wasn't working as fast as it could and I didn't managed to get through a lot, as how I planned to.
Hurm..so where did I go wrong?
(The best part about writing your troubles-of-the-day is that while doing so, you come to think of a solution to it)
At first, I was thinking, maybe it's because I didn't start of the day well. I woke up (at my usual start-of-the-day time) and the only thing I had in my mind was, I've got to have breakfast. Thus, after brushing my teeth, I went to look for something to eat in the fridge. Then only did I had a bath and started studying. Only when I started getting sleepy the first time did I realize, hey, I haven't read the morning ma'thurat yet. So, I took the ma'thurat book and read it. Then continued to study.
But again, there were other times when I still became sleepy, so what's up with that?
It just triggered me that maybe, when I set my plan, I didn't said the magic word 'Insya-Allah'. Yes, maybe that is the reason why today has been an unproductive day.
But the whole idea of not having gone through many of my exam notes for today made me very sad and very worried by late evening. Very very worried. It's very amazing how Allah can put fear and distressed in one's heart in a wink of an eye. The bad feeling made me think, where did all the calmness that I had this morning went to?
But, thinking of the other things I did today, I actually took some time of to give a tazkirah to a friend in need. I also took some time of to entertain some visitors. I also took some time of the clean up the house.
So, though I didn't manage to re-revised my notes as much as I planned to today, I still managed to do some other stuffs which -according to me- (from the quran too actually) is a good deed. So how bad a day could that be?
Kind of confused, what do I actually use as my parameter of a 'good, high quality and productive day'. Oh..
Recalled Ummi saying that a dai'e's happiness and sadness should be based on dakwah. Dakwah should be the one that control's the ups and downs of our life.
I call myself a dai'e, but yet, I can get very happy and very sad just because of duniawi stuffs.
hua.. this exam thingy is very very distressing!
But I guess, how I react as I go through these stressful weeks of exams will reflect how I really am. It's the hardship that makes you grow, makes you more matured. What is the meaning of friendly, patience, calm etc if you are living in an 'ideal' surrounding, yeah?
hurm..
an impetuous mood
I was kind of in a good mood today. Manage to finish off studying what I planned to study for today. A plan to go out with a friend was also accomplished. Got some food for my soul. But right after at the end of the day, I saw something that made me angry.
I was angry.
But angry because of a prejudice, a speculation that I made myself, without really knowing the truth. A part of me was saying that that was the only possible thing that could have happened, I couldn't be wrong. But another side of me was reminding me that prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h said that we must not make speculation, as part of the speculations are sins.
Astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..
Though part of me still think that there can't be any other explanation to this, I am really really trying to think of it positively. Why? Not that I'm trying to deny something that is obviously wrong and forbidden by Allah; but it's because I don't know if that was really the case. So until you really find out what happened, hold on to your anger.
And if it turns out that what I speculated was true, what should I do?
Part of me has already listed a few lines (in my head), that I will say to a person to show my anger and disapproval upon the matter. This part of me feels like wanting to run away from here. I don't want to compromise in such matter.
But another part of me says, hey wait, you are a dai'e. A dai'e should act wisely. You can't run away from trouble. You can't afford to. Instead, you are here to fix the problem. To fix whatever needs to be fix. To guide to the right path. Running away won't solve anything! Don't you remember what is said in Muntalaq?
huaa..
But what I else can I do? I've already tried to do something about it. It's not that I've never said anything.
But then again, have I really done that much? Have I really tried all possible method available?
huaa...
You've got to remember that Allah decides who will receive His hidayah. It is not your job to give them hidayah. You don't have the power to even do so. Your job is only to remind people. Again and again until you really can't do anything else about it (read: you're dead).
Allay says: 'So remind them-you are only one who reminds' <88:21>
hurm..Okey..
I'll try.
and remember, prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h said: La Taghdob, La Taghdob, La Taghdob.
dear self, La Taghdob! If you really love your prophet, then La Taghdob!
okey..okey.. insya-Allah.
I was angry.
But angry because of a prejudice, a speculation that I made myself, without really knowing the truth. A part of me was saying that that was the only possible thing that could have happened, I couldn't be wrong. But another side of me was reminding me that prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h said that we must not make speculation, as part of the speculations are sins.
Astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..
Though part of me still think that there can't be any other explanation to this, I am really really trying to think of it positively. Why? Not that I'm trying to deny something that is obviously wrong and forbidden by Allah; but it's because I don't know if that was really the case. So until you really find out what happened, hold on to your anger.
And if it turns out that what I speculated was true, what should I do?
Part of me has already listed a few lines (in my head), that I will say to a person to show my anger and disapproval upon the matter. This part of me feels like wanting to run away from here. I don't want to compromise in such matter.
But another part of me says, hey wait, you are a dai'e. A dai'e should act wisely. You can't run away from trouble. You can't afford to. Instead, you are here to fix the problem. To fix whatever needs to be fix. To guide to the right path. Running away won't solve anything! Don't you remember what is said in Muntalaq?
huaa..
But what I else can I do? I've already tried to do something about it. It's not that I've never said anything.
But then again, have I really done that much? Have I really tried all possible method available?
huaa...
You've got to remember that Allah decides who will receive His hidayah. It is not your job to give them hidayah. You don't have the power to even do so. Your job is only to remind people. Again and again until you really can't do anything else about it (read: you're dead).
Allay says: 'So remind them-you are only one who reminds' <88:21>
hurm..Okey..
I'll try.
and remember, prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h said: La Taghdob, La Taghdob, La Taghdob.
dear self, La Taghdob! If you really love your prophet, then La Taghdob!
okey..okey.. insya-Allah.
new vocabs and new aspirations
I learnt a few new words today as I was struggling through my exam notes. These are my new words for today:
intrigue
–verb (used with object)
1. to arouse the curiosity or interest of by unusual, new, or otherwise fascinating or compelling qualities; appeal strongly to; captivate: The plan intrigues me, but I wonder if it will work.
2. to achieve or earn by appealing to another's curiosity, fancy, or interest: to intrigue one's way into another's notice.
3. to draw or capture: Her interest was intrigued by the strange symbol.
4. to accomplish or force by crafty plotting or underhand machinations.
5. Obsolete. to entangle.
6. Obsolete. to trick or cheat.
–verb (used without object)
7. to plot craftily or underhandedly.
8. to carry on a secret or illicit love affair.
–noun
9. the use of underhand machinations or deceitful stratagems.
10. such a machination or stratagem or a series of them; a plot or crafty dealing: political intrigues.
11. a secret or illicit love affair.
12. the series of complications forming the plot of a play.
insatiable
not satiable; incapable of being satisfied or appeased: insatiable hunger for knowledge.
—Synonyms voracious, unquenchable, bottomless.
perplexed
–adjective
1. bewildered; puzzled: a perplexed state of mind.
2. complicated; involved; entangled.
esoteric
–adjective
1. understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite: poetry full of esoteric allusions.
2. belonging to the select few.
3. private; secret; confidential.
4. (of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group: the esoteric doctrines of Pythagoras.
viable
–adjective
1. capable of living.
2. Physiology.
a. physically fitted to live.
b. (of a fetus) having reached such a stage of development as to be capable of living, under normal conditions, outside the uterus.
3. Botany. able to live and grow.
4. vivid; real; stimulating, as to the intellect, imagination, or senses: a period of history that few teachers can make viable for students.
5. practicable; workable: a viable alternative.
6. having the ability to grow, expand, develop, etc.: a new and viable country.
But I guess, that is also how life is. You expect the best out of it, but you refuse to go through all the hardship that is required. But that will never work (unless Allah allows it too), but according to sunnah, no, it won't work.
Hurm.. humans aih?
Anyway...
I've been reading through a few posts in a few blogs while I was taking a rest from my studies, and I learnt (or should I say, was reminded?) a few important stuffs. And I came to decide that starting from today, I will always try to
Smile. =)
Because that is one thing that prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h asked us to do. Even a smile is considered as a sadaqah, so there must be something in it. Who cares what is going on within me, to make people around me happy should be my first priority. I am a dai'e, and I wouldn't want people to run away from me, right?
I also read of a very great individu, the wife of As-Syahid Imam Hasan al-Banna. She's a great women, and has been set by Allah to be the companion of a great man. I want to be a great person too, because I am a muslim. Because I am servant of Allah, and Allah has given me a lot in this life. So, I have to be
Strong.
Physically (can't be weak or lazy or always falling sick) and emotionally (can't be moody or angry or stubborn). Because I have a lot of work to do, and my workload is more than the time I have.
I have been shown the light, and I have been given the power. And with great power comes great responsibilities.
May Allah give me the strength to change myself in becoming a better person, for the sake of the ummah. Insya-Allah.
intrigue
–verb (used with object)
1. to arouse the curiosity or interest of by unusual, new, or otherwise fascinating or compelling qualities; appeal strongly to; captivate: The plan intrigues me, but I wonder if it will work.
2. to achieve or earn by appealing to another's curiosity, fancy, or interest: to intrigue one's way into another's notice.
3. to draw or capture: Her interest was intrigued by the strange symbol.
4. to accomplish or force by crafty plotting or underhand machinations.
5. Obsolete. to entangle.
6. Obsolete. to trick or cheat.
–verb (used without object)
7. to plot craftily or underhandedly.
8. to carry on a secret or illicit love affair.
–noun
9. the use of underhand machinations or deceitful stratagems.
10. such a machination or stratagem or a series of them; a plot or crafty dealing: political intrigues.
11. a secret or illicit love affair.
12. the series of complications forming the plot of a play.
insatiable
not satiable; incapable of being satisfied or appeased: insatiable hunger for knowledge.
—Synonyms voracious, unquenchable, bottomless.
perplexed
–adjective
1. bewildered; puzzled: a perplexed state of mind.
2. complicated; involved; entangled.
esoteric
–adjective
1. understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite: poetry full of esoteric allusions.
2. belonging to the select few.
3. private; secret; confidential.
4. (of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group: the esoteric doctrines of Pythagoras.
viable
–adjective
1. capable of living.
2. Physiology.
a. physically fitted to live.
b. (of a fetus) having reached such a stage of development as to be capable of living, under normal conditions, outside the uterus.
3. Botany. able to live and grow.
4. vivid; real; stimulating, as to the intellect, imagination, or senses: a period of history that few teachers can make viable for students.
5. practicable; workable: a viable alternative.
6. having the ability to grow, expand, develop, etc.: a new and viable country.
Looking up the meanings of these words in an online dictionary reminded me of the old days back in high school. There was this time when my principal had this great idea in helping students to build their vocabulary. One day in a week, we would have to find a new English word, together with the meaning and an example of usage in a sentence, and all that was to be put in a name tag, and everyone had to where it. During English class, students will take turn to present their words to the whole class. Though at that time nearly everyone including myself hated the whole idea (and would only bother to look up a new word on the very morning of the assembly), the outcome was great. Like it or not, I found myself knowing a whole lot of new English words. Unfortunately for the whole school, the principal had to move elsewhere, thus the whole newly-introduced-tradition was left to moulder. I remember how everyone was more than happy to say goodbye to the vocab thingy. But today, how I really regret that the weekly vocab thing was not made a tradition. My vocab today, is not much different to my vocab the past ten years, I'd say. I've stopped reading a long long time ago (novels, that is), since I stop collecting new Enid Blyton books (get the idea how long that has been?). And I've never been bothered to look up for the meanings of words in a dictionary (how arrogant is that?). So where on earth could I ever build up my vocabulary? And today, I really wish a knew a lot more. (Am I even doing anything about it??)
But I guess, that is also how life is. You expect the best out of it, but you refuse to go through all the hardship that is required. But that will never work (unless Allah allows it too), but according to sunnah, no, it won't work.
Hurm.. humans aih?
Anyway...
I've been reading through a few posts in a few blogs while I was taking a rest from my studies, and I learnt (or should I say, was reminded?) a few important stuffs. And I came to decide that starting from today, I will always try to
Smile. =)
Because that is one thing that prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h asked us to do. Even a smile is considered as a sadaqah, so there must be something in it. Who cares what is going on within me, to make people around me happy should be my first priority. I am a dai'e, and I wouldn't want people to run away from me, right?
I also read of a very great individu, the wife of As-Syahid Imam Hasan al-Banna. She's a great women, and has been set by Allah to be the companion of a great man. I want to be a great person too, because I am a muslim. Because I am servant of Allah, and Allah has given me a lot in this life. So, I have to be
Strong.
Physically (can't be weak or lazy or always falling sick) and emotionally (can't be moody or angry or stubborn). Because I have a lot of work to do, and my workload is more than the time I have.
I have been shown the light, and I have been given the power. And with great power comes great responsibilities.
May Allah give me the strength to change myself in becoming a better person, for the sake of the ummah. Insya-Allah.
the search for solace
Where is it? Where can I find it?
I feel lost.. lost in my own tangled-up feelings.
What's worse, I don't even know why..
Have you ever had this feeling, where you really want to tell someone about your problems, and you really need to cry on someone's shoulder, but you just don't know who you should talk to? And everyone, even those closest to you doesn't seem to be the right person, or just suddenly seems so far?
I tried to search for the lost solace..in computer games? in movies? in songs?
NO!!
I've said goodbye to all those jahiliyyah.. and I never want to go back to it. No!
So what should I do? Where can I look for it?
What's going on? Why am I like this? This isn't me..
And my mind wanders off, trying to find a person, or a reason to blame for this somber mood.
Did you found one?
Sure did. I found a person to put all the blame on too.
For what reason/s?
erm... erm...
I'm waiting...
I don't know... maybe it's because that person is never always there for me when I am in need. Maybe because that person is always hanging around with other friends, and seldom with me. Maybe because that person always have things the way that person wants it and not the way I want it. Maybe because... well, I don't know!!
Maybe aih? Then is the problem really from that person or is it just you?
Warrgh.. There's nothing wrong with that person.. nothing at all!! It is just me! It has always been me!!
Why is my heart full of hatred? Why do I keep on seeking faults in other people? Why do I have to be so moody? Why can't I just forgive and forget? Why do I have to be so sensitive (the negative way)? Oh..why??
Haven't I been taught a lot already, on how the purity of the heart is so important to be close to Allah?Haven't I been told numerously how syaitan will always take control over negligent hearts?
Astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..
Other people have real problem to worry their head around.. but me?
I don't have any problems. I've got people who care about me, I've got a decent exam timetable, I've got everything that many other people are craving to have.. but yet.. I tend to take all of that for granted.
I'm bad, I know..
But I don't want to be like this. Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h has never been like this.. So how could I?
At the end of the day, this grumpy mood won't bring me any good at all. Instead, it will bring a whole bunch of regrets.
I've got to change..I've got to be a better da'ie, I've got to be closer to Allah, I've got to have better control over my emotions, I've got to suppress my ego.
Oh..
Allah says, 'Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do heart find rest'..
Maybe..just maybe, I haven't remembered Allah enough yet..
I feel lost.. lost in my own tangled-up feelings.
What's worse, I don't even know why..
Have you ever had this feeling, where you really want to tell someone about your problems, and you really need to cry on someone's shoulder, but you just don't know who you should talk to? And everyone, even those closest to you doesn't seem to be the right person, or just suddenly seems so far?
I tried to search for the lost solace..in computer games? in movies? in songs?
NO!!
I've said goodbye to all those jahiliyyah.. and I never want to go back to it. No!
So what should I do? Where can I look for it?
What's going on? Why am I like this? This isn't me..
And my mind wanders off, trying to find a person, or a reason to blame for this somber mood.
Did you found one?
Sure did. I found a person to put all the blame on too.
For what reason/s?
erm... erm...
I'm waiting...
I don't know... maybe it's because that person is never always there for me when I am in need. Maybe because that person is always hanging around with other friends, and seldom with me. Maybe because that person always have things the way that person wants it and not the way I want it. Maybe because... well, I don't know!!
Maybe aih? Then is the problem really from that person or is it just you?
Warrgh.. There's nothing wrong with that person.. nothing at all!! It is just me! It has always been me!!
Why is my heart full of hatred? Why do I keep on seeking faults in other people? Why do I have to be so moody? Why can't I just forgive and forget? Why do I have to be so sensitive (the negative way)? Oh..why??
Haven't I been taught a lot already, on how the purity of the heart is so important to be close to Allah?Haven't I been told numerously how syaitan will always take control over negligent hearts?
Astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..
Other people have real problem to worry their head around.. but me?
I don't have any problems. I've got people who care about me, I've got a decent exam timetable, I've got everything that many other people are craving to have.. but yet.. I tend to take all of that for granted.
I'm bad, I know..
But I don't want to be like this. Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h has never been like this.. So how could I?
At the end of the day, this grumpy mood won't bring me any good at all. Instead, it will bring a whole bunch of regrets.
I've got to change..I've got to be a better da'ie, I've got to be closer to Allah, I've got to have better control over my emotions, I've got to suppress my ego.
Oh..
Allah says, 'Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do heart find rest'..
Maybe..just maybe, I haven't remembered Allah enough yet..
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