an impetuous mood

I was kind of in a good mood today. Manage to finish off studying what I planned to study for today. A plan to go out with a friend was also accomplished. Got some food for my soul. But right after at the end of the day, I saw something that made me angry.

I was angry.

But angry because of a prejudice, a speculation that I made myself, without really knowing the truth. A part of me was saying that that was the only possible thing that could have happened, I couldn't be wrong. But another side of me was reminding me that prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h said that we must not make speculation, as part of the speculations are sins.

Astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..

Though part of me still think that there can't be any other explanation to this, I am really really trying to think of it positively. Why? Not that I'm trying to deny something that is obviously wrong and forbidden by Allah; but it's because I don't know if that was really the case. So until you really find out what happened, hold on to your anger.

And if it turns out that what I speculated was true, what should I do?

Part of me has already listed a few lines (in my head), that I will say to a person to show my anger and disapproval upon the matter. This part of me feels like wanting to run away from here. I don't want to compromise in such matter.

But another part of me says, hey wait, you are a dai'e. A dai'e should act wisely. You can't run away from trouble. You can't afford to. Instead, you are here to fix the problem. To fix whatever needs to be fix. To guide to the right path. Running away won't solve anything! Don't you remember what is said in Muntalaq?

huaa..

But what I else can I do? I've already tried to do something about it. It's not that I've never said anything.

But then again, have I really done that much? Have I really tried all possible method available?

huaa...

You've got to remember that Allah decides who will receive His hidayah. It is not your job to give them hidayah. You don't have the power to even do so. Your job is only to remind people. Again and again until you really can't do anything else about it (read: you're dead).

Allay says: 'So remind them-you are only one who reminds' <88:21>

hurm..Okey..
I'll try.

and remember, prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h said: La Taghdob, La Taghdob, La Taghdob.

dear self, La Taghdob! If you really love your prophet, then La Taghdob!

okey..okey.. insya-Allah.