muhasabah

A very unproductive day today =(

Since I've read through all my exam notes, the plan today was to go through it all for a second round and MEMORIZE what needs to be memorized. Since it wasn't such an active thing to do, I got sleepy at most times, the brain wasn't working as fast as it could and I didn't managed to get through a lot, as how I planned to.

Hurm..so where did I go wrong?

(The best part about writing your troubles-of-the-day is that while doing so, you come to think of a solution to it)

At first, I was thinking, maybe it's because I didn't start of the day well. I woke up (at my usual start-of-the-day time) and the only thing I had in my mind was, I've got to have breakfast. Thus, after brushing my teeth, I went to look for something to eat in the fridge. Then only did I had a bath and started studying. Only when I started getting sleepy the first time did I realize, hey, I haven't read the morning ma'thurat yet. So, I took the ma'thurat book and read it. Then continued to study.

But again, there were other times when I still became sleepy, so what's up with that?

It just triggered me that maybe, when I set my plan, I didn't said the magic word 'Insya-Allah'. Yes, maybe that is the reason why today has been an unproductive day.

But the whole idea of not having gone through many of my exam notes for today made me very sad and very worried by late evening. Very very worried. It's very amazing how Allah can put fear and distressed in one's heart in a wink of an eye. The bad feeling made me think, where did all the calmness that I had this morning went to?

But, thinking of the other things I did today, I actually took some time of to give a tazkirah to a friend in need. I also took some time of to entertain some visitors. I also took some time of the clean up the house.

So, though I didn't manage to re-revised my notes as much as I planned to today, I still managed to do some other stuffs which -according to me- (from the quran too actually) is a good deed. So how bad a day could that be?

Kind of confused, what do I actually use as my parameter of a 'good, high quality and productive day'. Oh..

Recalled Ummi saying that a dai'e's happiness and sadness should be based on dakwah. Dakwah should be the one that control's the ups and downs of our life.

I call myself a dai'e, but yet, I can get very happy and very sad just because of duniawi stuffs.

hua.. this exam thingy is very very distressing!

But I guess, how I react as I go through these stressful weeks of exams will reflect how I really am. It's the hardship that makes you grow, makes you more matured. What is the meaning of friendly, patience, calm etc if you are living in an 'ideal' surrounding, yeah?

hurm..